Batali Helps Devise Insane Feast for Spotted Pig Staff

And Charlotte wept.Photo: Melissa Hom

Let's get drunk, like we do on the job!Photo: Melissa Hom
For history’s sake, Friedman sent Grub Street a copy of the menu.*
Snacks
Bugles: Famous corn snacks stuffed with blue cheese
Wasabi peas: Classic Japanese snack
Crabsticks: Dipped in mustard batter and deep-fried
Steak chips: Potato chips with steak tartare
Chex mix: American classic
Del Posto snacks: House specialty
Eagle snacks: Right outta the bag
Nachos: Doritos sandwiches
Ham & Cheese: Just like Mom used to make
Pork cups: Braised pork shoulder in cucumber cups
Rice balls: Fried Rice Krispies treats
Hot shots: Oysters in spicy tomato
Rashers: Deep-fried, of course
Caviar pearls: That’s right
Tater tots: Served with spicy ketchup
First Course
Foie gras and monkfish
Whole roasted, and served with Molto’s world famous “Starburst & Red Bull sauce”
Second Course
Macaroni and cheese
Tossed in flaming whole wheels of Parmigiano Reggiano with mad amounts of large chunk black truffle

Isn't Annie's so much better than Kraft?Photo: Melissa Hom
Third Course
Whole smoked halibut
Entombed in nuts, twigs, dirt, and dust, slathered with mystery gravy
Finale
Spotted Pig
Painfully slow-roasted with crispy skin and a belly of stew, served with spicy condiments and Parker House Rolls

We knew where this was headed.Photo: Melissa Hom
Ovation
Celebratory cake
Served by scantily clad babes
*The entire affair was washed down with nothing but the finest suds, swill, mead, grog, and assorted elixirs.
