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They say that if you abuse somebody enough, it means that you secretly love them. But in the case of Gordon Ramsay, the man’s insufferable ego, vituperation, bombast, and general skeeviness have somehow made him almost admirable to us. (We say nothing of his food, which neither we nor anyone we know has ever eaten.) But with his latest act of effrontery, Ramsay has gone beyond the beyonds. We now have to either destroy him or marry him, because last night the Surly Scotchman actually presumed, on national television, to teach Larry King how to schmear a bagel.

What’s even worse about this act, which is ridiculous on so many counts, is that Ramsay didn’t even give King good advice! First he told him that the bagel should be toasted, which would only serve to make the cream cheese disgusting and runny; then he told him he wasn’t using enough, when everyone knows that Larry King has to watch his health, being as old as Methuselah; and lastly, he used Scottish salmon instead of the Nova we have no doubt Larry King prefers. If this is how Ramsay helped his Kitchen Nightmares guests, no wonder he gets sued so much.

Larry King Live Transcript [CNN via Political Mavens]

Related: Gordon Ramsay’s Exhausts, Neighbors Still Fuming