Platt:: the evil bald one has crept from his lair!

Platt:: No, I wanted to wish a happy valentines to you, my furry friend! What do you have planned?

Ozersky:: I am dining solo this year, as is my usual practice, even when dating.

Platt:: for many years, I too dined solo on valentines. now me and mrs gobbler dine together in a ritual, virtuous silence. If you actually did want to lumber out to a restaurant on valentine's day, Cutty, what kind of restaurant would that be? Describe for me and your devoted following, the perfect valentines day meal.

Ozersky:: Well, it depends. If I was totally in love, I would want to go somewhere that wouldn't paralyze me with the food. No Mike White, no Craftsteak, nothing like that. But it couldn't be sushi, either. It would have to be something I really like. I guess Gramercy Tavern. There would be small but potent servings of meat, and ethereal vegetable dishes too. We'd eat in the front of the house, to keep it light and merry, and then I'd wander out under my own power, with my bright-eyed sweetheart on my arm, a la the Freewheeling Bob Dylan. What about you? if you had to go out to dinner with mrs. gobbler.

Platt:: I don't know if mrs gobbler would agree, but gobblers perfect valentine dinner would be somewhat more abbreviated affair. we'd dine at the bar, where intimacy is guaranteed, and plenty of stimulating libations are always on hand. we'd have one course only, which i would eat most of, followed by a soothing, though bracing dessert, like butterscotch and ice cream. of course, i'd eat most of that too.

Ozersky:: Yeah, that sounds romantic, all right.

Platt:: Actually, restaurants are very romantic. The best of them have all the aspects of great theater. on Valentines Day, however, the image gets oversold. it becomes a kind of forced ritual, and that's never very fun.

Ozersky:: I agree completely. You stumble into Allen and Delancey with your Special Lady Friend, and it's a dream. Plan it for a month and it's a grim, emotionless ordeal.

Platt:: And your'e surrounded not by genial fressers, but by a hundred other couples, with pole axed looks on their faces, dutifully and laboriously going through the pressure of this charade. and the weather's always freezing cold, and it's always a weekday, and all anyone wants to do is go home and watch their new flat screen tv.

Ozersky:: The
Platt:'s-eye view. “Ah, they just want to get back to their immense fifth avenue apartments....”

Ozersky:: “Watch their flat screen tvs...”

Ozersky:: “fondle their faberge eggs...you know how it is...”

Ozersky:: Have you ever had a great valentine's day meal in NYC?

Platt:: hey, cutty, i don't have any faberge eggs!

Ozersky:: My plan for tonight is pelmeni and a leftover veal chop. But my best ever was at the River Cafe, with my old girlfriend, Patricia. She was a nine-minute egg in a lot of ways, but she was definitely moved by the room and the food. For that one night, anyway, I was a glamour guy.

Platt:: you are a glamour guy, my orotund friend!

Ozersky:: Thank you,
Platt:y. You really think so?

Platt:: Yes I do.

Ozersky:: See, now I feel better about my pelmeni and veal menu tonight.

Platt:: Just make sure your dates don't get a glimpse of one of your videos.

Ozersky:: Oh shit, I didn't think of that!