Introducing the $12,000 Caviar, Kobe, Foie, Truffle, Moose-Snout Knish


Three kinds of caviar on top.Photo: Wikipedia

Yesterday’s news of a $1,000 sushi roll really touched a nerve in one reader. When we saw an e-mail with the subject “Suffolk Kitchen introduces $12,000 Knish,” we, of course, assumed it was for real. As we read the “press release,” however, it became obvious that the pitch was full of it — though arguably no more so than the one about the sushi roll.

The Suffolk Kitchen has introduced the newest, most exciting, most original dish to hit NYC since the $1,000 pizza (with caviar, truffles, and gold leaf), the $1,000 omelet (with caviar, lobster, and truffles) and the $1,000 sushi roll (with caviar, truffles, foie gras AND gold leaf) - the $12,000 Knish!

We begin with a perfect Knish (plain, or broccoli for a $1,000 supplement), lovingly crafted from the freshest ingredients. The knish is topped with Osetra, Sevruga and Beluga caviars, white alba truffles, 24k edible gold leaf, lobster, Kobe tartar, a Kobe burger, a Kobe hot dog, an ostrich egg, two kinds of foie gras - duck and goose, and a moose snout. The whole is then lovingly drizzled with 100-year-old balsamic vinegar. How is this different than the $1,000 Sushi Roll? No saffron.

On serving, the whole is doused liberally with Louis XIII Cognac and flambeed, so the attention of everyone in the restaurant will be drawn to the special person who ordered it. Finally, tableside, an American Apparel model who has eaten nothing but sushi personally prepared by Chef Masa and drank only Chateau Petrus for the previous 24 hours takes a dump on it.

Please note the $12,000 Knish must be ordered and paid for 48 hrs in advance. In cash.

We are sure that the $12,000 Knish will bring NYC douchebag cuisine to new heights of douchebaggery. Until next week, when some douchebaggier restaurant manages to top it.

Thank you,

The Suffolk Kitchen

We’d show you the accompanying “product shot,” but it’s a little too 2 Girls 1 Cup.