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Man, if you thought the rules at Ward III were a bit much, you have to read Pacific Standard’s spiel about its “frequent drinker” program. Though we just stumbled on it, it’s surely been around for a while — but it’s so McSweeney’s-worthy that we can’t resist sharing. Members are entitled to “free beer cozy rentals” and access to an “in-bar concierge (‘bartender’),” and they can earn a point for every $1 they spend, entitling them to everything from a growler of runoff (10 points) to an “all-expenses paid trip to Williamsburg” including dinner at Fette Sau (2,000 points) to watching one of the owners, Jon Stan, throw a baton (100 points) to watching the other, John Rauschenberg, do his guinea-pig impression (also 100 points). The list is kind of endless, but you have to read it for lines like “At the time of payment, you may choose (1) a drawing of you fighting a whaleshark riding an Abrams tank with nothing but your bulging muscles and a harpoon-like device … ” Just one question: Do people actually use these cards? Apparently. A list of member tallies indicates no fewer than four people have blown over $4,000 at the bar!

Pacific Standard Frequent Drinker Card Membership Guide [Official site]

OMG. Keith McNally is always good for a quote, but his latest is just one big barrel of laughs. He runs roughshod over Eater’s Gatekeepers column by first dispensing seemingly useful advice (Saturday is easier than Wednesday or Thursday for walk-ins) and then quickly taking a flight into fancy (at least, we’re hoping). On bribes: “I never take gifts, ever. It’s against my principle. I do take cash, however. And as much of it as I can get.” On celebs: “A lot of celebs have been to Minetta Tavern lately but I have an unbendable policy of never mentioning their names. Especially when it's Woody Allan [sic], Ben Affleck and Madonna a couple of Tuesdays ago. Or Jude Law and a waitress from Pastis on Thursday.” Okay, so he might be going a touch far when he jokes about taking advantage of a drunk female patron (request he couldn’t accommodate? “To leave her apartment when she asked me to. I think the police were called in eventually”), but he quickly makes a save when asked where he likes to eat: “I love Maxwell's Plum on 64th and 1st. (Is it still open?).”

The Gatekeepers: Minetta Tavern’s Keith McNally [Eater]

In recent days, Salon and Slate have explored a couple of interesting carnivorous dilemmas. Salon examines the pros and cons of horse slaughter, a practice that is mostly discontinued here (except for the 72,000 horses per year that are trotted off to be killed in Mexico and Canada) but is only just now at risk of being legally banned. Meanwhile, a Slate piece takes some of the feel-goodism out of free-range pigs by pointing out that they’re often outfitted with nose rings that hurt their snouts when they forage (a measure to protect the forest bed), something that a PETA spokesperson says causes “lifelong depression.” Adding to that, they’re castrated without anesthesia in order to avoid an unpleasant taste called “boar taint.” All very disturbing, but there are a few problems with the piece.

July isn’t just National Hot Dog Month, it’s also Good Beer Month, according to an organization formed by Gary Gillis (Burp Castle), Ray Deter (d.b.a.), and Jimmy Carbone (Jimmy’s No. 43). Whether it’s to celebrate this or to ride the coattails of the Times’ beer-cocktails roundup, Boqueria Soho is declaring today Beer Sangria Day! The beer sangria is a relic from Suba — it’s usually available off the menu so long as recipe-keeper Jeff Diesel is on duty (he mixes Kelso pilsner, a shot of triple sec, and some fresh lemon juice, and tops it with fresh fruit). Anyway, good to see it having a moment in the sun.