Inside Scoop: Bruni’s Entire Publicity Plan Revealed!

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As you know, Frank Bruni has been peddling his book anywhere and everywhere. We were thinking of doing a “Brunivore”-style roundup of all the press he’s picked up, but Eater beat us to it (add to that interviews on Metromix and the Feedbag); but it’s just as well, since we’ve gotten our hands on a much more valuable document. An inside source has just sent over his publicist’s scratch pad, detailing everything Penguin has planned, as far as publicity angles. Take a look.

1. Bruni and Chodorow go whitewater rafting and fly-fishing in Pacific Northwest. “So Happy Together” plays in background.
2. Bruni reviews bacon explosion for Details; tests bacon products for Esquire; wears bacon watch, bacon vest, bacon sneakers, and bacon toupee in GQ.
3. Playgirl magazine spread: Bruni emerges from man-size horn of plenty.
4. Bruni competes with Crazy Legs Conti and Eater X in eating contest — first one to finish their $3,000 white truffle wins. Dunking in Domaine de la Romanée-Conti is allowed.
5. Bruni gives advice for avoiding wine-stained teeth to Dentist’s Quarterly.
6. Viral YouTube possibility: Bruni prank-calls Locanda Verde in voice of Robert De Niro.
7. Bruni guest-stars on Bizarre Foods and eats Andrew Zimmern’s appendix (says it tastes like Bobo Farms chicken).
8. Jacques Torres does giant chocolate sculpture of Bruni, installs it in his factory for customers to eat.
9. Bruni goes to Six Flags with Sam Sifton. They try to stump the “Guess Your Weight” guy and then jet down a waterslide of Grand Cru Burgundy.
10. Bruni works as a Ninja waiter for a night, surprises and delights customers by taking off headdress to reveal identity.
11. Two words: sex tape. Wet and messy.
12. Bruni unexpectedly comes out of retirement for one last review: four stars to JoeDoe.
13. Bruni goes back to Robert’s. Gets a lap dance and says, “How do you like me now, Pete Wells?”
14. Reporters invited to watch Bruni cross Momofuku’s foie-gras picket line in duck suit.
15. Bruni appears on Perez Hilton with little white drops Photoshopped onto his lips and an arrow that says “beurre blanc.”
16. Bruni reveals to Oprah that David Chang actually hooked him up with a reservation at Ko. Tearfully begs for forgiveness.

Obviously, this is just the tip of the iceberg, or the bacon on the iceberg, or whatever. If you have any other bright ideas, leave them in the comments!