The James Weird Awards: Indecent Whopper Exposure, Confused Crackers, and Renegade Restaurants

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It’s been a long and strange few weeks. We've met foiled turtle smugglers, seen where the world's first winos used to hang out, and curiously watched Jay-Z as he filled his plate with chicken wings, fried Twinkies, and "H.A.M." But despite all the frenzy, we've managed to gather the latest, more bizarre developments from the world of food. That’s right, it’s time for the weekly James Weird Awards.

• According to the Post, “an ice cream deliveryman tried to carve a rival up like a banana split during a violent turf war over who had the right to peddle frozen treats to a Brooklyn bodega.” When Steven Perez “pulled a boxcutter and threatened to turn his dessert-dealing rival into rocky road,” the rival deliveryman got a baseball bat from his truck. Both men face charges. [NYP]

• David Klein, who created the Jelly Belly brand 25 years ago, has unveiled what he insists is the next big thing in sweets: an anatomically correct gummi heart. The edible organ weighs a hefty two and a half pounds, “oozes candy blood in 11 spots,” and costs $30. “I don’t do any test marketing,” Klein said, surprising no one. [AOL News]

• The aptly named Drift Cafe in Australia went rogue after a flood separated it from from terra firma. The once-popular riverside establishment has since been floating down the Brisbane River, where it will forever remain; said Premier Anna Bligh, “Nothing further can be done for that restaurant.” [Sydney Morning Herald]

• A Colorado man was arrested after showing up to a Burger King drive-through sans pants and asking a female employee if she’d like to hold his “Whopper.” She did not, and instead called the police. The man’s untoward behavior earned him jail time, charges of indecency, and a restraining order. [KMGH]

• The Wheat Thins brand has decided to stop calling its crackers “crackers.” After conducting some existential market research, the Kraft product decided that it was actually just a “snack” this whole time. As a result, the C-word will disappear from the front of all Wheat Thins packaging by the end of the year. [NYT]

• An off-duty police officer in Minnesota was jailed after pocketing a corkscrew from the restaurant where he was eating. Though he did return the item when a manager asked to have it back, the cop claims, “They said I could have it.” The restaurant, however, tells police that nobody ever said that. [Star Tribune]

• A Schlotzky’s Deli employee has captivated the town of Toledo, Ohio, by singing on the job. Dubbed the “singing sandwich guy,” he reportedly serves customers a “side order of joy” with their meals — and the locals are eating it up. “He brings guests in that just want to see him," his boss reported with approval. [WTVG]

• Traditionally minded Brits are mourning marmalade’s fall from grace. Once the breakfast spread of choice across the pond, marmalade has seen its dominance wane in the face of younger spreads, like peanut butter. Many fear that the orange preservative is in danger of being forgotten completely; currently, its primary market consists of Britons aged 65 and up. [Telegraph UK]

• A Delaware Pizza Hut’s bad week only got worse when it was hit by robbers for a second night in a row. The restaurant’s employees were held up by gunpoint on both occasions, but are now safe and hopefully polishing their their résumés. [News Journal]