In what might be the most horrifying Post headline we’ve read that doesn’t involve a quadruple homicide, the paper declares that “bottle service is back, baby!” In fact, Lavo will soon offer a $10,000 bottle of rosé. And that’s not all its daytime brunches are getting: We’re told that every Saturday at 2 p.m., Lavo will host a “bikini brunch” for dudes who want to leer at scantily clad females but find that out-and-out strip clubs just don’t part them with nearly enough of their money.
That’s right: Guests will be encouraged to dress in bikinis (that means you, ladies!) or “beach chic” (shirts are required for the gents, but sandals are fine). Oh, and you know the hired dancers who normally strut around in gold lamé and get carried around in bath tubs while they throw rose petals? (Please tell us you don’t.) Well, they’ll now be in bikinis and “sexy lifeguard” uniforms. We’re told there’ll even be a real lifeguard stand — though don’t expect anyone to rescue you when you get in way over your head by ordering a $10,000 bottle of rosé. Instead, some guy dressed as a superhero comes out (not kidding here) and congratulates you for being the biggest dumbass in New York City. “F**k the Hamptons,” reads the invite, but you know what? F**k Lavo and its organic corn flakes! You’ll find us over at the Dew Drop Inn from One Crazy Summer.