People Will Decide Whether to Sleep With You Based on Your Drink Order

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Translation? Hot mess.

Ah, summer, the season for romance ... and with it, ever so many occasions to judge one's potential paramours based on their drinks of choice. Over on Serious Eats, Rum House and Ward III's Michael Neff pens a funny story about a couple on their first date, where his affinity for bland drinks vodka soda, Chardonnay chafes with her "visceral" taste for bourbon neat, ultimately underscoring their incompatibility.

If it's news to you that vodka soda spells boring, you might want to consult dating site HowAboutWe's handy guide to "What Your Drink Says About You": dirty martini equals hot mess; prosecco equals "You're often a little uptight, but tonight you're looking to party"; Lillet/Campari/Aperol equal "You're twee, and possibly like to throw around words like 'mixology.'" (Oops.) So just know that both the bartender and your date are judging what you order, mmmkay? This is why Grub Street always chooses wine bars on our first dates.

From Behind the Bar: On Vodka Sodas and First Dates [Drinks/Serious Eats]
What Your "Drink" Says About You On a Date [HowAboutWe]