So much drama lately! It's like the world turned into some strange telenovela for exactly one week. Some of the things we've seen include: poisoned foodies, unexpected Waffle House–FEMA collaborations, and a garden that grows money by the duffel bag. But the James Weird Awards is where plots go to thicken, so get ready for even more of the week's strange food news.
• A Pennsylvania man was arrested for trying to steal $20 worth of ribs hidden inside of his pants. The same man was arrested for the same crime on May 22 of this year. In other words, don't ever go to this guy's Memorial and Labor Day barbecues. [WP]
• Some guy in Russia drove a military tank to a McDonald's drive-through. He also uploaded a video of the spectacle onto YouTube, because otherwise what's the point? [Eater NY]
• A Denver police officer and his wife were issued misdemeanor child abuse summonses for allegedly "giving their toddler sips of a margarita and letting their child eat off the floor" at an area restaurant. "Come on, guys, this isn't Applebee's," the waitress did not say, though we wish she had. [Denver Channel]
• One member of the Ohio House of Representatives will buy one of her constituents lunch in exchange for a good idea, which could turn into a bill in the fall legislative session. Just like how the Bill of Rights was written! [Yahoo News]
• A North Vancouver man was arrested for robbing a gas station after having dined-and-dashed at a restaurant nearby. He was apprehended at that same restaurant, where he'd returned post-robbery to pay his bill. [Calgary Sun]