Another week, another batch of strange happenings in the food world. When you're done applying Paula Deen's butter-flavored lip balm and singing an ode to pizza with Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain (go ahead, we'll wait), check out the James Weird Awards, straight ahead.
• An army staff sergeant based in Hawaii is suing Burger King after allegedly swallowing needles hidden inside his Triple Stacker burger. The man claims he was hospitalized for six days when a needle was found in his intestines, and another needle is said to have pierced his tongue. [HuffPo]
• An adorable black bear cub (on a quest, we assume, for some locally sourced organic greens) was spotted crawling around the chilled produce section at a supermarket in Alaska. The bear was quickly snatched up by local authorities as amused bystanders looked on. Just another day on the Last Frontier! [Awl]
• For the past 30 years, a man in the U.K. has survived on a strict diet of roadkill: dead deer, rats, birds, and other animals he finds on the side of the road. Fittingly, he is also a taxidermist. [Eatocracy/CNN]
• New research completed by fertility doctors at Harvard and Murcia University in Spain suggests that men who overdo it on junk food have weaker sperm, regardless of their overall state of health. [Business Insider]
• In the middle of a verbal altercation with her husband, a woman in Chicago turned to a nearby box of cupcakes as ammunition. Police arrived at the scene to find the man covered in smeared icing from the volley of treats with which he was bombarded. There's probably a metaphor about the dangers of dessert here somewhere. [NY Street Food]