We Hope His Buddies Call Him ‘Biscuit’ Now

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Apply directly to skin. Photo: meijer.com

"He had lathered himself up in Crisco. He was covered in grease, and was holding the can under his arm ... He said he was looking for a place to party." —Sure, the guy was on drugs, but we'd totally go to that kind of party. [Quad-City Times via Gawker]