This weekend, Taylor Swift announced her partnership with Diet Coke, which is "one of the great loves" of her life. If Taylor's prior relationships are telling, the inevitable end of this endorsement deal is going to be hella emotional. America's sweetheart will cope the only way she knows how she'll write depressing songs about her ex. The tunes will make us all a little uncomfortable, but they're so damn catchy that we'll bop our heads and smile at her heartbreak. Diet Coke, that bastard.
"Romeo, save me/ I've been feeling soda alone."
"Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city/ And all you're ever gonna be is aspartemean."
"He calls me up and he's like, I still love you/ And I'm like, This sugar crash is exhausting/ We are never getting Cokes together/ Like ever."
"And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand/ And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run, it's just a soda can."
"I go back to Dr. Pepper, turn around, and change my own mind/ I go back to Dr. Pepper all the time."
"Yeah, we're sugar-free, confused, and lonely at the same time/ It's miserable and magical, oh yeah!"
"I'm dying to know, Is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?/ I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down/ And the sucralose looks a lot like a tragedy now."
"And I stare at the phone, and he still hasn't called/ And then you feel so low you can't feel nothin' at all/ And you flash back to when he said forever, no calories."
"Bey's better known for the things that she does on the mattress/ Whoa-oh."